Isla de Angela ~ gaining inner peace, losing extra weight

I Struggle but I Keep Moving…

Posted on: April 23, 2010

Sigh.

I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve felt so

L…

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOooOoOoOoOoOoOo

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOovoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo……….

W…

I’m still moving.  I’m still on plan.  It just feels like I’m walking through sand while doing it.  It feels like gravity is pulling a little to hard on me (unfortunately, this is a feeling I’ve dealt with on and off for years).  I really admire the bloggers that can put all their emotional thoughts “out there” – I bet it’s a great release.  I think mine would come out as incoherent self-pity, though.   I’m really trying to learn how to FEEL my feelings instead of pushing them inside (or eating them) – but it’s SoOoOoOoOo damned uncomfortable!!!

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Geneen Roth has BLOWN MY LIFE OPEN:

I recently read Geneen Roth’s book – WOMEN FOOD GOD and am now reading her book WHEN FOOD IS LOVE (while awaiting everything else she’s ever written to come in at the library!!).  Her insights into why I binge, why I eat to soothe my emotions, why I never learned to “FEEL” my emotions, why I think the way I do about food, and soOoOoOoOooo many other ‘whys’… haven’t just been AHA Moments for me they’ve been “KABOOM!” –  “HOLY SH*T!” – “MIND BLOWING!” – Moments.  I’m both relieved and scared to understand where these issues came from – relieved to finally know the why and how but scared at how much “healing” I have to do BEFORE I’ll finally be able to fully release this weight burden.  I’ve lost 55 pounds – but haven’t dealt with any of the issues that lead to my weight gain in the first place.  It’s daunting and I think it’s a big part of my sad, heavy feelings over the past couple of weeks…

But her ability to give words to MY thoughts and feelings – I can’t even describe how it’s made me feel… It’s just blown my mind, opened my eyes, and shocked me awake to issues hidden so deep within me that I didn’t even know they were there.  It all makes total sense now.  Uncovering the rest of them, understanding them, accepting them, grieving them, letting them go, recognizing when they try to return… all of that will take some time… the thought that my struggle with food will be conquered once and for all, though – makes my soul feel like it will take flight one day soon.

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An award-deserving post GUARANTEED to motivate you:

Anyone wanting, hoping, and working towards weight loss will L*O*V*E this post by Chris.  Chris has lost One Pound – One Hundred Times and shares how her life has changed since she “put down the food and picked up a life”. Read it – you’ll be inspired!

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What my first 50 pounds looks like:

Lastly, my son helped me take some pictures of what 50 pounds looks like.  When I still have 50 pounds to lose it’s sometimes a little hard to focus on what I HAVE accomplished as opposed to what I have YET to accomplish… 50 pounds looks like this –

and …

 (No, I didn’t actually remove 50 pounds of butter from the store shelf!  I held one then came home, clipped & copied the one box and Photo-Shopped the other 49 in! :})

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~ My mood needs some exercise – come on endorphins… do your stuff! ~

 – Angie

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10 Responses to "I Struggle but I Keep Moving…"

Oh my gosh, I am reading Geneen Roth’s “When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair: 50 Ways to Feel Thin, Gorgeous, and Happy (When You Feel Anything But)” and enjoying it! She is great, isn’t she? Angie, I know how you feel about the bloggers that put it all out there. I haven’t figured that part out either! It will come in time.

I love the pictures 🙂 Did anyone at the store get perturbed that you were stacking 50lbs of butter just to take a picture??

Love the photos!!!! LOVE! You are gorgeous, by the way. You remind me of my cousin in law…I’ll post a picture one day. You have a twin in Canada! LOL

Stay strong Angie!

That was me, Dawne. Not too sure why it came up Anonymous. I’m anything but…

Ironically, I was just sitting on the couch thinking, “Oh, I haven’t blogged in soo long. I don’t even think I could form a complete sentence about…about…anything, everything.” So, I thought I’d check email before my next round of chores, and there’s your perfect post at the perfect timing. I’m low today, too. But I’ve come to a point in my life where I know it’s temporary. It could be my headache threatening to be a migraine. It could be a cold coming on that my kids have had. It could be hormones. It could be that my Springtime has turned dark, grey and cold the last few days. It could be that I haven’t exercised in 4 days. But I know all those things are temporary. In the mean time, we’ll be low together. 🙂

I really like the “50 Pounds” photos. You’ve done a great job. That is something to cheer! That and your ability to stay on plan.

Wow! That is an amazing perspective. Thanks for sharing. I especially love the butter. How long did it take you guys to put it all back?

Hey, just dropping by to see your blog.
I am glad you decided to go get yourself gussied up.
It does make you feel better.
55 lbs.
pretty good.
Yeah about things sidetracking you.
It will take a while, but as you go through the things that are holding you back, it’s like taking the anchor off your legs.
You will feel better and you will start to move much more freely.
Keep going forwards.

Angie – those pictures are amazing! I hope your spirits lift:) What about writing your emotions out… but just for yourself, not to publish?

The butter photo is my favorite. That’s awesome! I used to journal my emotional stuff, but I’ve found that blabbing it to the world has been much more therapeutic than putting it in a journal and forgetting it. But hey, do what works for you!!! Congrats again on your 50 pounds down!!!

Do we need to be getting worried?

I just finished Roth’s book and am about to read it, again. She does an amazing job putting my thoughts into words.

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________* * ANGIE * *________



They say that muscle is heavier "by volume" than fat is, which means 5 lbs. of muscle takes up less space than 5 lbs. of fat within a body. I'm a believer. This totally explains how your clothes begin to fit better even though the numbers on the scale aren' t moving very fast.



This is GROSS. I know. But I'd rather see the fat HERE than on my body...


Each time we “resist” an urge to fall off plan or not exercise we strengthen our “resistance muscle” and each time we “give in” to temptation we strengthen our “give in muscle” making it easier to either "resist" or "give in" next time.


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