Isla de Angela ~ gaining inner peace, losing extra weight

How did May 2011 get here so fast??

Posted on: May 5, 2011

Where do I start?

Starting over is so hard and so scary (but the first step is the hardest, right?).  Last year I lost 55 pounds in 15 weeks and just when I began to feel that I had finally conquered my relationship with food I promptly gained 60 pounds… With that, some other disappointing going-ons, and dealing with another low point in my 15+ year-battle with depression I sunk into a dark place and spent a whole year there.

A whole year – what a waste!

I don’t want to dwell on that, though.  It is what it is and I’m finally feeling capable of getting a grip on my life, again (AGAIN feels like such a bad word because I’ve had soooOOooooOOooo many AGAINS…).  No elaborate “plans” this time, though – just a simple goal of feeling better. 

I’ve gone back into therapy so I will have a partner to hold me accountable, teach me ways of thinking better thoughts, help me notice obsessive behavior before it takes control, and to guide me in the right direction before I get lost again.  I know I will have to deal with depression for the rest of my life.  I accept that.  It’s time to learn how to not sink so far into it that it takes me a year to crawl back out.

I read an interesting analogy the other day that really hit home for me about the way I’ve always looked at my depression.  I have been stuck in this “Why-am-I-this-way-mentality” as if I understood the “why” it would make dealing with the depression easier.  The analogy was this:

A man is shot with an arrow.  If, before extracting the arrow and tending to his wound, the man insists on knowing the name, family, village, and race of the archer, and what the arrow is made of, how effective is he in dealing with his injury? What needs immediate attention is the situation created by the arrow.”

I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to understand why my brain works the way it does that I don’t deal with the actual depression.  It’s time to deal.


~ Moments of J*O*Y ~

I love tulips and today I saw 2 gorgeous patches of tulips including my favorite – orange and red streaked.

After therapy I went to Chipotle and had the B*E*S*T pork tacos with guacamole.  I thoroughly enjoyed every “mindful” bite!

Although I didn’t get to see it, my eldest son (who has been in a batting slump) hit a home run today!

There is a new Big Bang Theory on tonight (Sheldon just makes me happy J)
and it’s something my husband and I enjoy watching together.

J and I have nice dinner plans for Mother’s Day this weekend and I was able to find a suitable outfit to wear (hidden deep within my closet…).  I’m not thrilled I had to resort to the “fat clothes” but it’s much better than having to buy an outfit in my current  size!!  The discovery gave me a nice sense of relief…

It felt good to blog again.  I like the color palette of my blog – it captures the light, airy, and peaceful essence that I long to feel on a regular basis.


Well, I think that’s a good start.  Here’s to dealing with it (cheers!).

 * Angie  *


6 Responses to "How did May 2011 get here so fast??"

It’s nice to see you back! I think your post has you set up to be successful again… I like the Moments of Joy section of your posting and the types of things in your reflection.

I have a blog for you to consider browsing… her recent posting about her own history of depression might be insightful for you…

Welcome back:)

Thanks, Ladies! I’m surprised my blog was still on your radar… I’ll stop by yours and see what you guys have been up to. And thanks, Jennifer, for the Skinny Emmie suggestion. I think she and I do have a lot in common and will keep an eye on her blog! 🙂

Again is good.

I’ve dealt with depression, too. Years ago I was medicated for it. I didn’t like how emotionally neutral I was about everything, so I went off. It’s been up and down. It’s up now.

Please return as often as you need to.

Welcome back, Angie! I think it’s safe to say that every single person who struggles with healthy living has their fair shares of “again.” It’s when we stop having the “agains” that we get in trouble. I look forward to reading along your journey…we’re all here in cyber-land to support one another!

If you don’t take the step to start over, you’ll never get there. You are a courageous woman and I admire you.

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________* * ANGIE * *________

They say that muscle is heavier "by volume" than fat is, which means 5 lbs. of muscle takes up less space than 5 lbs. of fat within a body. I'm a believer. This totally explains how your clothes begin to fit better even though the numbers on the scale aren' t moving very fast.

This is GROSS. I know. But I'd rather see the fat HERE than on my body...

Each time we “resist” an urge to fall off plan or not exercise we strengthen our “resistance muscle” and each time we “give in” to temptation we strengthen our “give in muscle” making it easier to either "resist" or "give in" next time.

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