Isla de Angela ~ gaining inner peace, losing extra weight

Archive for the ‘*Weight Loss Blogs’ Category

Weight Watchers Anyone?

I wonder how many blogs have a Weight Watchers (WW) posts in them this January?  I’m so cliché!  Actually, I joined back in September of 2012 – I just haven’t blogged about it.  This post is proof that it is working, though, because I only seem to find the energy and interest to blog when I’m losing weight and feeling good!  I’m enjoying my journey into the world of WW.  I have a great Leader and I really enjoy the process of re-learning things I’d forgotten and learning things that I hadn’t taken the time to learn in the past.  I’m finally building healthy routines instead of just losing weight.  In many ways I’m actually kind of living as though I’m maintaining as not much will change even when I reach my goal.  I feel very healthy right now.

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My Recent Weigh-In Numbers:

My WIs have been very positive and considering I took a week-long vacation and went through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.  I think I’m losing at a good pace.  So far I’ve lost 28.6 pounds in 14 weeks.  It’s looked like this:

Start Weight 263  09-26-12
W1   -7.6      255.4
W2   -1.4      254.0
W3   -6.0     248.0
W4   -1.8      246.2
W5  +0.4      246.6
W6    ~ vacation ~
W7  +2.8      249.4
W8   -2.8      246.6
W9   -4.6      242.0
W10 -1.4       238.0
W11 -1.8       236.2
W12 ————–
W13      0      236.2
W14  -1.6      234.6

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Bikram, Sweet Bikram:

As of January I’ve returned to my Bikram Yoga practice.  I so love to hate it and want to really master it but “Oh My God!” it’s hard.  I’ve been searching and searching for someone out there with a blog that combines a Weight Watchers journey with a Bikram journey but haven’t had much luck…

I’m off to a really strong start as I get re-acquainted with the heat.  I’ve gone to 9 classes this year and have been getting really close to doing two of every pose in the 26 pose series.  Today I did all of the floor poses.  I was quite proud of myself.  The instructor delivered his dialogue as fast as an auctioneer or horse race commentator – it’s FAST!  I love it because I don’t have anytime to let my thoughts wander or get negative.  I’m loving it so far.  I have to be careful to not set myself up to “fail” by trying to go too often or take on a 30-day challenge.  Last time I did that I had a couple of bad classes and got so down on myself that I quit.  Yes, I quit too easily last time.  After that EVERYTHING fell apart.  But that was then and this is now and now is good so I’m going to focus on now.

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Yep, Now is good.

~ Eating Better, Moving More ~

Angie

I Succeeded Only to Fail… Once Again…

Almost exactly a year ago I set out on the simple journey to Eat Better, Move More.  I didn’t stick to any hard and fast rules I just tried to make better choices over and over again all day long.  After all, many small “better choices” in one day, all week long, month after month can add up to one heck of a successful lifestyle change.  And it did.  For the second time, in a few years, I lost over 50 pounds in under 5 months.  I felt great (almost a little high on life).  I don’t know why I didn’t take the time to blog about it, but I think I just didn’t want to focus too much light on it, if that makes sense???  I just wanted to work my little idea and Eat Better, Move More.

During that time I got a part-time job, I returned to Bikram Yoga, I bought new clothes in the smallest size I’d bought in probably a decade (regular XL tops, 16 pants), I could actually run without pain!, I wowed everyone during the Holidays, got my nose pierced (only kept it a week, though, it wasn’t really me), I made it through the Holidays with only a slight weight gain that I quickly lost in January, THEN (insert foreboding music here) I set myself up for failure by biting off more than I could chew with a Bikram 30-day challenge.  I failed to even come close to finishing it, fell into a depression that snowballed (been riding the clinical depression train for over 20 years), had to switch to a new psychiatrist (that I don’t really care for), found myself severely uninfatuated with the part-time job and blamed my husband for wanting me to work at a waste-of-time $9/hr job, resumed my sugar-addiction-bingeing ways, started a new position that had me waking up at 4am and making me feel like a zombie once my shift was over, and VIOLA within 5 months ALL the weight was backTHUD.  The perfect storm (many negative events in a row) hit me and I succumbed to the weight of the stress and feelings of being overwhelmed.  Gravity just seemed to be too strong on me and kept me down… again… which brings us up-to-date.

So where am I today? 

The Bad:  I’m uncomfortable in my body – SUPER uncomfortable, as in I have to change position and have a hard time at work because I’m so damn swollen and sore.  My energy level is a negative 25%.  My sugary diet gives me GAS!!  I have very few clothes that fit since I gave away my “fat” clothes!  I have back pain and shoulder pain and I’m avoiding visiting family that saw me over the Holidays because I’m embarrassed.  That part is really sad, I know.  I feel pathetic.

The Good:  I’m uncomfortable enough that I HAVE to do something.  I KNOW my Eat Better, Move More philosophy is simple enough to follow and that it WORKS.  Ambilify has been added to my anti-depressants and seems to be helping.  I’ve finally gotten use to my new work shift and actually like it – AND the girls I work with – it’s actually a little fun now.  I’ve found some inspiration to cook again AND to “fancy up” the house (I’ve been uninterested in both for a very long time).  We’re preparing for a garage sale and are slowly decluttering (moving it into the garage.  De-cluttering feels so good.  My family loves me – they haven’t shown any disappointment in me – all the disappointment I feel in self-inflicted and I have the power to stop it.  Have I mentioned that I’m uncomfortable enough that I HAVE to do something.

SOOOoooo…. What Now?

Do I make another “pledge” to fight the good fight?  Nope.  Do I re-commit to my previous re-commitments?  Nope.  Do I forgive my self for past failures and just love myself more (eye roll)?  Nope.  Been there – done that – failed miserably and what I say doesn’t matter any where near as much as what I do.  I’m just gonna Eat Better, Move More.  However little the adjustment is will be better than where I am now.

Today’s Plan?  I’m going to fill my weekly vitamin container today – vitamins are good.  I’m gonna drink some water today.  Water is BETTER than pop, right?, and Better is Better!  And to Move More I’m going to work in the office – organizing and de-cluttering for a while (even 15 minutes is More than nothing…).  Simple goals that even a sloth should be able to accomplish today!!  Sloth – not a very nice self-comparison but I’m still disappointed in myself and the only way I’ll beat that feeling is to make myself proud again. One small choice at a time.

The truth – I’m afraid to try, suceed, and fail again.  But I was afraid last time, too, so I guess I’ll just try anyway.  The alternative isn’t a better scenario (the alternative is being bed-ridden becasue I’m too huge to move!)  I’m 5’8″ and about 250 pounds.  I can do better than that (and no, I’m not even close to bed-ridden size but it could happen…)

*******  Eat Better, Move More  *******

and to end this post on a little higher note….

~  Some M*O*M*E*N*T*S of recent J*O*Y  ~

*  Tried a new cookie recipe that turned out great – love finding new “keeper” recipes! *

*  Recently started watching “Monk” reruns – he makes me laugh!  *

*  I’m a few years – okay a LOT of years – behind the trend but I started reading the Harry Potter series – they’re fun, quick reads.  And a nice little escape from reality  *

~  Angie  ~

I’m really losing in the struggle to get back on plan.  I see it.  I’m aware of the lame mind games I’m playing with myself. 

I wake up with determination and by early evening… 

I realize I’m trying to fill an intangible hunger with something tangible (food).  I really realize this.  Realizing it doesn’t make understanding it and overcoming it any easier, though. 

I’ve gained 10 pounds.

I’ve gained 10 pounds.

!$%^#@!!

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Sigh.

I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve felt so

L…

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOooOoOoOoOoOoOo

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOovoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo……….

W…

I’m still moving.  I’m still on plan.  It just feels like I’m walking through sand while doing it.  It feels like gravity is pulling a little to hard on me (unfortunately, this is a feeling I’ve dealt with on and off for years).  I really admire the bloggers that can put all their emotional thoughts “out there” – I bet it’s a great release.  I think mine would come out as incoherent self-pity, though.   I’m really trying to learn how to FEEL my feelings instead of pushing them inside (or eating them) – but it’s SoOoOoOoOo damned uncomfortable!!!

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Geneen Roth has BLOWN MY LIFE OPEN:

I recently read Geneen Roth’s book – WOMEN FOOD GOD and am now reading her book WHEN FOOD IS LOVE (while awaiting everything else she’s ever written to come in at the library!!).  Her insights into why I binge, why I eat to soothe my emotions, why I never learned to “FEEL” my emotions, why I think the way I do about food, and soOoOoOoOooo many other ‘whys’… haven’t just been AHA Moments for me they’ve been “KABOOM!” –  “HOLY SH*T!” – “MIND BLOWING!” – Moments.  I’m both relieved and scared to understand where these issues came from – relieved to finally know the why and how but scared at how much “healing” I have to do BEFORE I’ll finally be able to fully release this weight burden.  I’ve lost 55 pounds – but haven’t dealt with any of the issues that lead to my weight gain in the first place.  It’s daunting and I think it’s a big part of my sad, heavy feelings over the past couple of weeks…

But her ability to give words to MY thoughts and feelings – I can’t even describe how it’s made me feel… It’s just blown my mind, opened my eyes, and shocked me awake to issues hidden so deep within me that I didn’t even know they were there.  It all makes total sense now.  Uncovering the rest of them, understanding them, accepting them, grieving them, letting them go, recognizing when they try to return… all of that will take some time… the thought that my struggle with food will be conquered once and for all, though – makes my soul feel like it will take flight one day soon.

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An award-deserving post GUARANTEED to motivate you:

Anyone wanting, hoping, and working towards weight loss will L*O*V*E this post by Chris.  Chris has lost One Pound – One Hundred Times and shares how her life has changed since she “put down the food and picked up a life”. Read it – you’ll be inspired!

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What my first 50 pounds looks like:

Lastly, my son helped me take some pictures of what 50 pounds looks like.  When I still have 50 pounds to lose it’s sometimes a little hard to focus on what I HAVE accomplished as opposed to what I have YET to accomplish… 50 pounds looks like this –

and …

 (No, I didn’t actually remove 50 pounds of butter from the store shelf!  I held one then came home, clipped & copied the one box and Photo-Shopped the other 49 in! :})

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~ My mood needs some exercise – come on endorphins… do your stuff! ~

 – Angie

*

Cleaning Out My Closet:

I’m throwing caution to the wind and getting rid of the “safety net” in my closet, ie… keeping the fat clothes in my closet “just in case”. I’m giving a nice pile to a friend, donating a nice pile, and THROWING AWAY an even larger pile! I find it very interesting that so many of the clothes in my closet, that I’ve been wearing or saving to wear, are items that I don’t even think are worth giving away!  That, I realize, is a consequence of not taking care of my body. Apparently, I didn’t care what I was putting IN it or ON it!  Shame on me!  Tsk, tsk!

My eyes are opened in so many wonderful ways now – I’m so happy for myself but also so sad for the friends and family I have that are overweight and don’t care. I know from experience that when someone you know loses weight and tries to convey how great they feel, especially to their overweight friends, that it just doesn’t compute… similar to how, as a sugar addict, I couldn’t imagine that one day my sweet tooth could be satisfied with fruit… The happiness, peace of mind, sense of pride, lifting of spirit, and overall sense of health that comes with losing weight is truly something you have to experience to understand. If those feelings could be bottled and “tasted”, JUST ONCE, – everyone would work at getting healthy!

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Yummy Snack:

I’ve been eating this yummy snack lately and thought you might like it, too. Check out the fiber grams!!  It’s a nice calorie count for a snack, the fat is “healthy” from almonds – overall it has a good nutritional balance…

Tortilla Roll-Up-

1 Small (13.5 oz) 100% WW La Tortilla with 1 Tbls Almond Butter, 1 tsp slivered almonds, 3 inches of banana, 2 medium strawberries, and 1 Tbls ground flax seed Calories 255…Fat Grams 14.2 (45%)…Carb Grams 29.5 (40%)…Protein 11.4 (16%)…Fiber Grams 13.1

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Great quote:

Lyndsay made a guest post over at Trading Up Downtown and one line, in particular, really resonated with me –

“I realized that through all of those years, my food was consuming me when I should have been consuming my food.”

 Can I hear an “Amen!”?

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Lastly, this is Me.  Then and Now with 50 pounds gone! 

 

 

~ Angie  🙂

*

 

Broadening my Horizons –

Well, I finally reached the 40 pound mark on the scale!  I’ve been hovering around it for almost 2 weeks but was finally rewarded with the magic number:  215.  It doesn’t sound quite as “M*A*G*I*C*A*L as 150, though.  So the Journey continues!

I find great inspiration from following bloggers like myself and also like checking out the blogs on their blog rolls.  Through those links I’ve found a lot of Vegetarians, Vegans, and RAW Enthusiasts.  The more I learn, the more interested I become in their life-styles.  I don’t know if I could be as disciplined as they are – or if I’d even really (in my heart of hearts) want to – as I DO ENJOY a GOOD STEAK!  But still, I do eat a lot of veggie meals now, I have given up beef and pork for over 9 weeks now, I’ve also given up dairy for 9 weeks (and DO think I’ll continue that practice),  and the more I learn about organic food compared to non-organic, GMO’s, and antibiotics in our foods – the more intrigued I become…  Anyway, I thought I’d share some of the links to the bloggers whose life-styles I*N*T*R*I*G*U*E me:

Jennifer’s Bankrupt Vegan (for those of us on a budget)!

Chocolate-Covered Katie who is just the cutest!

Angela’s Oh She Glows – and she does!

Mae’s Ohh May! – she’s only a high school senior and her blog is amazing!

and

Averie’s having a book give-a-way on her blog: Love Veggies and Yoga

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~ BTW – these ladies are all beautiful and SKINNY.  Maybe they have something here, huh?  – Angie

*

 

Time for a Healthy You Challenge Check-In:

I’m doing pretty good – but just not feeling very good about what I’m doing… does that make sense?  I’m going through the motions, sticking to my plan, reading inspirational blogs and books, exercising regularly, logging my calories, yada, yada, yada but I’M CRABBY and despite doing it all right – I have NO MOTIVATION.  I’m not enjoying any of it – even my results.  And I have NO ENERGY.  Thud.

I DID have one HUGE FAIL this week.  I walked out of my Bikram Yoga Class.  That may not sound like a big fail to you – but the only real rule in the class is to NOT LEAVE THE ROOM.  Even if you have to lay down through most of it – DON’T LEAVE THE ROOM.  This was the only class that I walked out of in 7 weeks.

My last woe-is-me comment for the post is that after losing 36 pounds in 6.5 weeks (about 6 pounds a week) I’ve only lost 2 pounds in the last 12 days.  I know, I know – I was losing too fast in the beginning but it sure was F*U*N! 

I’ve decided to up my calories.  I’m not hungry or anything but I think my weekly calorie average has been too low.  Maybe that will give my energy level a boost?!  I’m also going to take a few days off from Yoga and do some other exercise.  Maybe I’m a little burnt out on it…  Okay, on to something better.

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Here a few of the posts that I found this week that “spoke” to me, made me think, or gave me a smile:

Rachel sent me this link to Christina’s post on Good Food vs. Bad Food – It really made me think about how I catorigize my foods.

Anonymous Fat Girl has a great post on experiencing a lack of quick results.   She’s right – we live in a microwave society.

You HAVE to see this picture on Ann’s blog!  Now THAT’s a REAL Barbie!

 

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This commercial really made me laugh – how brave is she for supporting this product?  F*U*N*N*Y!

 

 

~ Well here’s to a successful week for all of us – Angie

 


________* * ANGIE * *________



They say that muscle is heavier "by volume" than fat is, which means 5 lbs. of muscle takes up less space than 5 lbs. of fat within a body. I'm a believer. This totally explains how your clothes begin to fit better even though the numbers on the scale aren' t moving very fast.



This is GROSS. I know. But I'd rather see the fat HERE than on my body...


Each time we “resist” an urge to fall off plan or not exercise we strengthen our “resistance muscle” and each time we “give in” to temptation we strengthen our “give in muscle” making it easier to either "resist" or "give in" next time.


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